The New Cellphone Class

While we drove back from Petsmart with Nora's birthday present -- a new hamster named Popcorn -- Regina told me about two memos that Nora brought home last week. First, an Ossining school bus driver was arrested for drug possession and fired from his job. The note assured us that he was not a dealer and the amount found was for his own personal use. Also, he had not applied any of the narcotics to the unruly passengers.

Second, the principal of Nora's school asked that parents refrain from providing cell phones to their children. If you need to contact your child, the memo read, you can simply contact the principal's office and they will contact your child. Apparently some cutting edge parents have been callling their kids during the school day for a little family chat.

Incredible. I can only imagine what a conversation would be like with my daughter, who likes an exchange that wanders.

Me: Hi, Nora. How's school going?

Nora: Fine.

Me: Are you having a good day?

Nora: Yes.

Me: What are you learning?

Nora: Nothing.

Me: Well what are you working on now?

Nora: I dunno. Social Studies?

Me: Well, does it have numbers or presidents?

Nora. Presidents. Hey, Dad. Can we see Nacho Libre again tnight? It's so funny!

(She pronounces this 'faw-nee.' My Long Island DNA is beating out over her Lower Hudson upbringing.)

Me: We'll see. So, you're having a good day then?

Nora: Well, actually, I ...

Me: Mmm-hmmm

Nora: I was crying during snack time because Clyde said I couldn't be her friend anymore.

Me: You were crying?

Nora. Yeah, I was. She said I couldn't look at her anymore.

Me: Couldn't look at you anymore?! Well, you tell Clyde she is a little bitch.

Nora (Hand over phone): My Dad says you're a little bitch.

Me: Nora, is she right there next to you?!

Nora: Yeah, we are making a Teddy Roosevelt Panama Canal poster. He is digging the canal with a teddy bear.

Me: Wait, so your friends now?

Nora: No, she says we can work together but I cannot look at her or sit next to her during lunch.

Me: Jesus. What kind of freaks name their daughter Clyde?

Nora (Hand over phone): My Dad wants to know what --

Me: Nora!

Nora: -- kind of freaks --

Me: NORA!

Nora: -- would name their daughter Clyde?

Me: You're mother will call at 1:15. Keep the ringer on.

Click.