Treats for the Senses

Some things I am enjoying these days:

Eyes: I saw two terrific DVDs, courtesy of the Briarcliff Manor Library. Sylvia, everyone's favorite angsty poet/pre-feminist martyr starring Gwyneth Paltrow, and Swimming Pool starring the ever alluring Charlotte Rampling and some French chick who spends half the movie topless. Both flicks deal with writers trying to make sense of their inner worlds and the female leads wer both wonderful. Paltrow looks wonderful as a honey blonde and she captured Plath's ambition and ultimate breakdown. Rampling not only doesn't wear any make-up, she seems to have been dipped in khaki. Despite this near-criminal act, she remains ever mysterious and radiant. For you Rampling Fetishists, go kill an hour here.

Ears: Just ripped the debut disk from Arctic Monkeys and it sounds like fast, lean punk played by kids who never heard the word 'irony.' Just what the doctor ordered.

Taste: I attended a cocktail party and asked for a scotch. The bartender -- a slim Asian gal hired to fit the modern Japanese theme of the slick restaurant -- said "I knew you were going to order that." After a Glen Livet, I ordered a Johnny Walker Black. Mmmmm.

Smell: Bought a dozen bars of Ivory Soap. If you don't feel clean after using the best soap on the planet, you have OCD, my friend.

Feel: Right now I am loving Lightning Fields by Dana Spiotta. She writes about three women trying to make sense of life in late 90s LA. One character is a personal shopper for businessmen with too much moeny and no taste. She expands to specialty restaurants that cater to people's specific dietary needs and only seats four people a night. Models and actresses quake as they thank her for cooking their macrbiotic meals so that they consume hearly zero calories in the course of a $600 meal. Little do they know that the chef uses a stick of butter in each meal.

Failure Watch Along the Right

This will make news on Monday in the blogosphere: William F. Buckley declares the US' adventure in Iraq a failure just one week after Francis F declared the death of neo-conservatism in the New York Times Magazine. It's a good time to be an anti-war neocon; your words will be hailed as brave and certain quarters of the media will welcome you with open arms.

Ah, a sensible conservative, who would have thought?. Like the character of The Good German in the WWII films of the 50s, liberals respect only those neocons who have turned against the liberation of Iraq. Would the editors of the NYT Magazine have given Richard Perle or William Kristol four pages to argue that we should stay the course? Of course not.

That said, WFB's piece is more important because it it published in his weekly column and on the National Review web site, the online arm of the journal he founded in 1950. He has yet to call for the withdrawal of troops but his words will mark a turning point in the argument of the war. In the way that fashion designers often create bold and unwearable items, the basic ideas often trickle down to the shoping mall months later: the height of the skirt, the cut of the shoulder, even the overall color scheme.

Likewise, WFB's ideas may signal a greenlight to neocons that the war is over and the mission unaccomplished.

More Unrest in Iraq?

As if we needed more bad news from Iraq, it seems the opening bell of the civil war has been rung. This week's bombing of the Shiite shrine -- a gorgeous structure -- may be the turning point of sending the liberated and struggling democracy towards utter chaos. Of course, un-cool heads have already blamed US forces and Israel for the attack because, after all, no rational Muslim would ever desecrate a holy place in the heart of Islam. Then again, these are the same folks who hate it when US forces chase insurgents into mosques only to find a cache of weapons in a house of worship.

So what do the US Army and Marines do if a full scale civil war does break out? Do they take a side or stay neutral and try to establish order? Is order even possible?

Let's hope so.

American of the Year

I now know whom every junior high school should be named after. Behold:

Baltimore Mayor Martin O'Malley says, 'We want to turn over the Port of Baltimore, the home of the Star Spangled Banner, to the United Arab Emirates? Not so long as I'm mayor and not so long as I have breath in my body.'"

Post Port-um Depression

What is the Bush White House smoking? I am Odd Man Out at work as the only employee who readily admits he voted for W. in '04 and wishes he cast the ballot for him in '00, although we have plenty of little old ladies who voted for Pat Buchanan to thank in the mean time.

But handing over the ports to the United Arab Emirates -- what the fork?! Do we really have to say outloud how awesomely bad this idea is? Sure, the fact that two of the 9/11 hijackers hail from the UAE does not mean that an entire nation can be painted with the same brush, but why are we leaving our ports in the hands of a people who may hire locals who harbor an interest in our absolute demise? It could be an American citizen but statistically speaking, the vast majority of people who wish us ill fit a certain profile.

And now John McCain is supporting President Bush, who promises to veto any legislation to overturn this rule. I had no idea that tone-deafness was contagious.

In all of this mess, one thing must be noted: The Left has discovered racial profiling. The same folks who fainted at the thought of passing a wand over Middle Eastern men between the ages of 20 and 45 at our airports now refuse to allow an Arab nation to oversee the ports of NY, NJ and Miami. Welcome to the real world, folks. It only took you four years.

Cheney of Fools

This has to be a pretty good week for the White House. Last week, White House officials were reportedly cringing about this week’s upcoming hearings on Hurricane Katrina and Condoleezza Rice’s testimony before a Senate sub-committee. Instead, the media has been chasing the minute-by-minute details of the Cheney hunting accident from the previous weekend. Ah, a perfect non-scandal. Meanwhile, Salon and other news agencies released photos of the alleged torture from the Abu Ghraib prison. Instead of discussing the photos -– and the dangers these images might put our soldiers in -– the media is chasing an embarrassing discharge of a shotgun on a Texas ranch. The heavy breathing on the Loony Left is limitless for one simple reason: Dick Cheney is evil and everything he says or touches must therefore be evil. Look at the photos that the local NY newspapers have chosen: all Cheney, all sneer. I can only hope that some clueless Democrats will demand hearings on the accident to discuss hunting and gun ownership in general. Maybe, if we are lucky, these hearings will be chaired by Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton and have testimony by folks from PETA and Rosie O’Donnell. Pennsylvania, Ohio and maybe even Florida will be Republican for a generation.

Last of a Dead Breed

Six days ago, Dell announced that it would no longer manufacturer its Dell DJ. My wife just asked why and I said "Everyone and their grandmother has an iPod."

Except me, of course. I have now joined the ranks of Corvair, Tucker and DeSoto drivers. Now, anyone know where I can get a can of New Coke?

Officers and Gentlemen

Just finished Officers and Gentlemen by Evelyn Waugh and it was fine. It's the second book of his 'Sword of Honour' trilogy about a Catholic officer serving in the second world war. Waugh has a sharp and unforgiving eye for the officers of old England who knew that this new war was very different from the first. One character remarks that unlike WWI, no one will write poetry about the battles they were fighting. No Sigfried Sassoon, Robert Graves and others.

If you've overdosed on Band of Brothers and Saving Private Ryan, read OaG as a tonic."

A Writer Writes

It's been a good and bad week of writers. Let's start with the good news.

This is one of the best magazine pieces I've read in ages. I not only wished I wrote it, but I could see how it could easily appear in The New Yorker with a few minor edits. Great stuff.

Nora Vincent, a lesbian neo-con, hasn't been around for a while and I've missed her. I even mentioned her as a possible replacement for the repititious Maureen "Men are dumb because no one will marry me" Dowd. Now, Vincent has a book about her adventures dressed as a guy, called Self-Made Man. It wasn't a walk in the park, she tells us. Listen to Instapundit and his wife interview her here.

It was a very bad week for shallow, dishonest writers. First, James Frey took his lumps from Oprah when he admits that his drug rehab memoir was mostly fiction. (Duh, says most of the publishing industry who declined to publish the book when it was pitched as a novel).

But the writer dressing-down of the week has to go to Hugh Hewitt grilling of LA Times columnist/snarky lisper Joel Stein. He wrote a some-what brave if embarassing column that claims that since he does not support the war he refuses to support the troops. He does not wish them ill but neither does he admire them or the job they are trying to perform in hellish circumstances.

You have to admire Stein's bravery and I bet there are a ton of anti-war Lefties who wish they could say what Steine wrote. (A while back, a neighbor almost came out and wished for another attack on US troop as we saw in Black Hawk Down right before the election. It would be horrible, she said, but maybe it could help things...)

Hewitt did his usual shtick, which is to show that reporters and media members are reliably liberal and therefore anti-war/freedom/Bush. Stein's shallow answers and the realization that he could have been more precise is truly embarassing. Back to the gossip pages, Joel.

Mullets in Aisle Three

Here are three things I will admit to in this blog and nowhere else:

1. I am not looking forward to the day that John Updike dies. I check the obits for his name and I miss the man already. That said, I hope there's a few unpublished books in his desk that will see the light of day after he passes. Can you define selfish anymore pathetic and sweatier than that?

2. I daydream about flying a fighter jet, playing drums in a power-pop band and directing a film. It's called Ships at Night, about a young, callow naval officer who makes a critical mistake and his communication ship is captured by the Nazis. The senior officers are kept in captivity and tortured while the crew and the young, disgraced officer are sent on a humiliating PR mission around pre-war Europe to promote the might of the Nazis. They escape their captors and rescue their commanding officers and the damned boat too. They pick up a few refugees -- a family with a precocious girl and a mute boy and a young Jewish computer (what they called female mathematicians in the 30s) -- along the way and escape to freedom.

3. The last CD I burned to my Dell DJ MP3 player is Flashback: The Best of .38 Special.

Hold on Loosely, y'all!

Smile for the Camera

The public is eager to feast its eyes on two unpublished pictures. In celebrity-obsessed America, the first is the ultrasound image of Angelina and Brad's baby. In Washington, which has been called Hollywood for ugly people, it's a picture of the President shaking hands with scumbag lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Like the picture and video clips of Bill Clinton embracing his favorite thong-snapping, pizza delivery gal, reporters and critics want to show W. within 25 yards of the worst briber in, oh, as many years.

Does this prove guilt by association? Doesn't matter. The Anti-Bush Left wants to imply that because the President took a few pictures with one spectacularly bad man, he and his administration is the worst in history. No matter that the Commander-in-Chief has his picture taken with hundreds if not thousands of people each year.

I mean, Jimmy Carter had his picture taken with Yassir Arafat and Michael Moore. It doesn't mean that he's an anti-American demagogue.

Wait, on second thought...

Arrrrrr, Matey

It's been a weekend of depressing news: Two miners found dead in West Virginia, a whale dies as rescuers try to remove it from the Thames in London, and the parents of a kidnapped US reporter plead for their daughter's life. The only highpoint was something that should be from a movie: Sailors from the cruise missile destroyer USS Winston Churchill capture a pirate boat off the coast of Somalia.

Avast, ye hearties.

(Oh, and the official first draft of my freelancing piece is done, thank you).

A Little Victory Lap

Last night at the Incisive Media awards ceremony, Waters won Magazine of the Year. My publisher called from the London event and he was ecstatic. The New York office heard the news in real-time because a few of us were huddled around the speakerphone as a co-worker gave us the play-by-play. When our magazine was announced, the cheers shook the ceiling.

Congratulations to Eugene Grygo, colleague and cohort, for winning Scoop of the Year. Much deserved.

On Beauty and Gigolos

I finished Zadie Smith's On Beauty a couple of weeks ago and it's still swirling around in my head. She writes such great characters that even though they have their limitations and go their separate ways, you want them to remain together in the same household. And for a long book, you want it to be even longer. I avoided her White Teeth follow-up, The Autograph Man because it received some harsh reviews and seemed like a perfect example of the sophomore slump. Forget that, I'm getting it this weekend.

In the meantime, I'm reading Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, Peter Biskind's take on the new Hollywood generation of the '70s. It's a great book and I get to hop around -- this chapter here, that section there. I've heard a lot of these stories before but not in one volume and the portraits really stick out. Steven Spielberg seems like the ultimate loser schlub, which didn't jibe with the boy wonder coverage he received after Close Encounters. And Francis Coppola practically deserved his exile and stangnant career for his behavior before, during and after Apocalypse Now.

But my favorite character has to be Paul Schrader. I'm on a Schrader kick these days. I borrowed the Auto Focus DVD from the Briarcliff Library for the third time and played the flick with his voice over commentary. He's a so-so filmmaker but his stories are great. I read somewhere that a person would rather discuss his films than actually see them and he had a point. Schrader is intellectual, articulate and has a world weary view of the world around him. And he sounds like a mixture of Truman Capote and a high school gym teacher/teen minister. I am trying to find a DVD of American Gigolo with his commentary but no luck. Isn't that film 25 years-old now?

The Bigger Bang

This fall I picked up my first Steven Hunter novel, Hot Springs. I'm a snob when it comes to thrillers -- I only read Elmore Leonard and Alan Furst -- but I loved his column on the DC Sniper a few years ago. As a gun enthusiast, he wrote a smart piece on what we know about the sniper who terrorized Washington DC after 9/11: he was a good shot but not a great shot; he chose stationary targets and he was stationary himself when shooting. It was the best kind of article: you were instantly smarter after reading it and couldn't wait to parrot some of the best lines to family and friends.

Hot Springs is about Earl Swagger, a former Marine who is recruited to clean up the Arkansas hot spot after the war. It's hard to read the book and not see a young Nuck Nolte -- tall, haunted, and ready for action -- in the role. It's hard to think who could do this right now becuase we're in a weird era of action stars: could Will Smith or Colin Farrell play a man who has seen too much on Iwo Jima? Who has the square jaw these days? No one comes to mind.

One thing about Hunter is he knows guns. He writes about Colts and Brownings the wat James Joyce wrote about Dublin and John Updike wrote about housewives in the 60s. Hot Springs -- read it now.

Closer But No Cigar

Yuk yuk yuk. Rented Mike Nichols' Closer from the library the other day and semi-enjoyed it. It was billed as Carnal Knowledge for the new millenium and it's true that it's about some spectacularly good looking people leading miserable lives. I guess Clive Owen's character is Jack Nickolson's woman-hater but Owen was more of a softy. He at least has feelings beyond self-pity, which seemed to be the fuel for Julia Roberts' adulterous photographer and Jude Law's pathic obituary writer/novelist. Natalie Portman played a fragile and elusive stripper -- she seemed to realize how lucky she was to be in the movie. Rent it for the cool photography and Clive Owen's randy doctor. His online sex chat with Jude Law is worth the rental price.

Outrageous 2006 Predictions

This isn't going to be a good year for Hillary Clinton. Sure, she'll be re-elected to the US Senate from her home state of New York without breaking a sweat, but 2006 will be the year the anti-war faction becomes a full-fledged wing of the Democratic Party.

They may make up one-third of registered Democrats and they won't be searching for third party candidates like Ralph Nader. Instead, they'll stay inside the old party and shun anyone who voted for the war. This is bad news for Hil, who stands by her vote. Even if she switches sides and deamnds that the troops come home now, it will be seen as too calculated.

So who runs? Russ Feingold is on everyone's lips and Al Gore seems poised to think about this seriously. I see Howard Dean throwing his hat in the ring after he steps down from the party leadership role this year. Paging Dr. Dean.

Satellite Radio Days

The media have discovered Howard Stern again the week before he says farewell to terrestrial radio and starts his new gig at Sirius, the satellite radio station. The coverage has been glowing and there are a few interesting things to note: it seems like each interviewer from the mainstream media asks the same question: doesn't the FCC cencorship implore you to be more creative? Stern refuses to see how he can be more clever and I loved one complaint he made to Newsweek: the threats of hefty fines have forced him to curtail his show. "I haven't had a porn star on the show in six months!"

Two installments on The Today Show, a glowing profile on 60 Minutes, two pages in Newsweek plus cover stories in New York and Esquire. If I were the editor of a magazine that covered this story, why not write the non-Howard profile? Interview Opie and Anthony on Sirius' competitor XM? Ask them about what Stern can expect. Did they drop off the media radar because practically no one has satellite radio? Will his contract depend on signing up new subscribers? Is the freedom all that wonderful when you have fewer listeneers? Does the joy of using the F word fade after a while?

And another story idea: I want to go over to satellite and listen to Stern and his two channels but the company isnt making it easy for me. Why? The handheld Sirius devices are ugly and expensive. $349 for a lousy looking handheld? Why don't they hire the guy who designed the iPod and get him or her to work on a snazzy handheld version? To make matters worse, XM has a handheld device that costs $149.99 and isn't too bad looking. Hmmmmm. XMmmmmmmmm.

Giving One Pinter Pauses

"The crimes of the United States have been systematic, constant, vicious, remorseless, but very few people have actually talked about them. You have to hand it to America. It has exercised a quite clinical manipulation of power worldwide while masquerading as a force for universal good. It's a brilliant, even witty, highly successful act of hypnosis."

Ah, the words of a Nobel winner. Yassir Arafat? Jimmy Carter, you ask? No, the man of letters, Harold Pinter and winner of the 2005 Nobel Prize for Literature. If the Swedish Academy wanted to praise an artist's work while smashing the US in a single choice, they could not have done better than old Mr. P.

Of course, not every decision and policy of the US has been successful or 100 percent noble but the playwright's screed begs the question, if we are such vile scum, why is the United States still standing? The biggest guns? The old USSR had some heavy artillery and yet it fell to the wayside after 80 or so years of torturing its citizens. The empty promise of the American Dream? Not so empty because people are dying to come to this country each and every day. The NYTimes Magazine had a fascinating article about 30 year-old Jordanian man. He was conflicted: does he travel to the US and work for Microsoft or does he join the Jihad? Decisions, decisions.

Pinter sees the US' glass not only as half empty but the liquid stale and putrid as well. This is one odd switch between the Neocons and the New Left: The Neocons are now the pie-in-the-sky dreamers (the Middle East can support a democracy!) while the New Left are the sticks in the mud. Ask many Lefties about deposing Saddam and trying to establish a democracy and someone will soon say, 'some people cannot be run by a democracy.' Imagine if Dick Cheney said, "some people cannot operate a VCR."

(Yes, yes, a VCR and a democracy are two different things but just because a people do not have experience with free elections does not mean that they naturally want a vicious dictatorship.)

It's a shame that Pinter cannot see the good that America has done to for the world: we share our technology and hope; we want democracy to flourish and we have a nasty habit of liberating people from the vice of fascism. This last fact misses the ailing Pinter, who, if the Americans had not joined the fight in WWII, would certainly have a Nazi swastika on the corner of his typewriter paper when he wrote his first play in the early 1960s.

Congratulations to Harold Pinter. Brilliant playwrite and a perfect dupe of the Nobel Committee.

Murtha of a Nation

Rep. John Murtha intrigues me. His background is heroic, his idea for pulling troops from Iraq is suicidal but his role in Hilary's future is interesting. After a few months of Cindy Sheehan's shaming of the president, her dingbat idea is catching fire. Even Republican Senators are wondering that three years of a shooting war is too much for a country to bear, even though casualties haven't reached the levels of the morning of D-Day. How, one has to wonder, does the junior senator from New York handle this growing anti-war spasm?

Hillary Clinton, an anti-Saddam hawk, cannot be happy. She has heard the intelligence report since the mid-90s, she has sat on intelligence committees, and met with hindreds if not thousands of soldiers, reservists and airmen in her tour of military bases in New York. How does a neocon - yes, a neocon - convince the anti-war, bring them home, no blood for oil Left that she is their chice for the White House in '08.

Easy: she can't. Expect Hillary to go to the other side to join Sheehan, Murtha and countless other senators and representatives from both the right and left who have lost their stomach for the war. It's over. Expect to see politicians on listening tours so that they can vote to bring the troops home.